Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
