take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
