I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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