Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
