I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
