Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
