THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
