He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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