Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
