In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
