I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Oh god it's open bar.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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