found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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