i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
