I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
