Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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