shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
