But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she peed on how many people?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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