I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize