I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
