She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
