dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How does it feel to date your dad?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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