He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
