When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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