yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
