Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
