We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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