I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
