listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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