Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize