I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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