You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
