My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
