You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
