I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
