actually, I'm a sock model
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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