Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
