Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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