it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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