Are we in a gay sports bar?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
