from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
