I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
