Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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