On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
