i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
