Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
