Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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