Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
