So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
