I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We got so high we made milksteak
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
