So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
