i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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