i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
my liver is dry heaving
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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