My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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