Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
