Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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