he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
