I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
