At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
