we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize