So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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