she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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