I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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