I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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