Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
