Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
