I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
