question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
