She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
