Your face is a jimmy john
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
