So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
