my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
